It's been a bit quiet on the Doberman front recently, I think my puppy is slowly growing up. That said Fudge and I have invented a new game - Doberman Golf! I hit a golf ball down the garden and Fudge waits until I say 'go' and then she shoots off to retrieve it (repeat several times).

Wild Woman of the Woods

The other day I had a slightly strange experience, I was walking Fudge and Pudding in Rendlesham Forrest, when a large dog leaped out at use from a bush. After the inevitable barking and growling had died down, I tried to put the dog on a lead, thinking that it must be lost. As I was doing this, a disembodied voice came out of the bush and said, "It's okay he's with me". Where upon a woman crawled out of the same bush and started picking twigs and leaves out of her hair. I must have looked a bit puzzled, because she said "I saw you had a Doberman and thought it was best to hide". She then gave me a particularly withering stare and tottered off down the path taking her dog with her.

Was she really hiding from me because I have a Doberman? Or was she having a crafty pee? I don't think I'll ever know, but I can confirm that strange women jumping out of bushes at you, is not good for your nerves.

In Search of the Perfect Chair

"This one would be okay if it had a little more leg room. Doberman rating 6 out of 10"

"This one has the leg room and is nicely cushioned but where am I meant to put my head? Doberman rating 8 out of 10"

"This one is perfect, Doberman rating 10 out of 10. Now all I have to do is train my Human not to sit in it"

Captain Haddock

As news emerges that Hollywood is making a blockbuster film of 'The Adventures of Tintin', Fudge and I put our names in the ring for the parts of Captain Haddock and Snowy - Fudge might need a little bit of makeup, but I have it on good authority that I'm a dead ringer for the Captain!

Gateway

This isn't really a dog related post (apart from the picture of Pudding waiting to get on with her walk). This gate is at the entrance of a small nature reserve in Silverdale, it is dedicated to the memory of a dead musician, whose name I can never remember, but who I always say a silent hello to when I'm there. Silverdale is a magical place - even the name feels like something straight out of Tolkien - the hills are covered in hazel and Yew woods, and if you know where to look there are even some of the incredibly rare Lady's Slipper Orchids. Close by there's the RSPB nature reserve Leighton Moss, and here comes a very tenuous dog link, Leighton Moss with its extensive reed beds, is famous for its breeding population of Bitterns. For any non bird watchers, Bitterns are a secretive type of Heron, famed for their strange booming call. Now here comes the dog bit, in Arthur Conan Doyles 'Hound of the Baskervilles', the villain claims to Dr Watson that the distant baying of the hound, is really the booming of a Bittern - I warned you it was a tenuous link.

Just to prove what a boring son of a bachelor I am, I actually have another Bittern anecdote, sad isn't it? When I was about 15 I was crammed in a bird-hide in Leighton Moss with several other Birders, all of us hoping for a glimpse of an elusive Bittern, suddenly one of my companions leaped to his feet with a strangled cry of 'Bittern', unfortunately in his enthusiasm he dislodged the prop holding open the hide window above his head, the window swung closed with a sickening dull thud, half decapitating the poor old birder. To add insult to injury, the force of the blow knocked the chaps top set of false teeth and his £700 telescope straight out of the hide window. As long as I live I will never forget the sight of this poor man's telescope slowly sinking into 3 feet of glutinous mud while his teeth lay there smiling maniacally back at him.

And the overdraft keeps growing!

This little bronze cat reminded us so much of Sable that we had to buy it - every bugger else seems to be adding to the toxic debt, so we thought to hell with fiscal prudence.

How to wash a cat

How to wash a cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.!

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6.. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Thank you for taking the time to read this
Yours Sincerely,
The Dog