How much is that doggy in the basket?

Introducing an 8 week old Fudge (hiding at the back).

When we picked her up, her Russian owner gave us two warnings in broken English, "She like shoe, she no get yet, but she try" and the very cryptic "Vorm tummy!". The former has cost me several pairs of slippers, while the latter led to a slightly more unpleasant experience. On the journey home Fudge cried and squirmed, and generally wouldn't stay still. I tried talking soothingly to her, I tried sternly telling her to be still, all to no avail. Finally I gave up and let her crawl around the car, but she still didn't calm down. Eventually however she seemed to get comfy on the dashboard, so I happily left her there. After half an hours peace she turned around and gave me a piteously apologetic look - before copiously evacuating her bowels all over me. There are few sights in this world to compare with a Doberman with projectile diarrhea. Within seconds I was covered from head to toe in pungent poo; it was like something from Dante. To make matters worse we were stuck for two hours in the London rush hour, and I had to just sit in this pool of liquid fertiliser. My wife found the whole situation extremely amusing, and spent the journey home alternating between gagging and hysterics. Fudge, her work done, curled up and went to sleep. With hindsight I realise that "Vorm tummy" describes the laxative effects of Worming medicine, however I would stress that it obviously loses something in the translation from Russian.